Tag 'Em and Bag 'Em!

Dear big ol' heart of mine, I think it's time you took a vacation. You want things you can't have/don't need right now, and it's really starting to piss me of-f-fah!

The heart wants what the heart wants...but what happens when it wants something you can't have? What if you meet the man of your dreams, but you're not the girl of his? Or vice versa? An aching heart is a heavy burden I do NOT enjoy bearing. It's pure insanity to me that so many people can think you're amazing and love you to death, but one person can ruin your entire perspective just by turning you down... The problem is, it's usually the one person you want. Lame.

I always feel bad about turning someone down, because I know how it feels on the other end. It's good for me, though- because it reminds me that that (<---how do you avoid that?) does not mean the person hates you, or anything ridiculously dramatic that my female mind tries to tell me, but that...he's just not that into you. I have felt this stab of defeat before, and it sucks, but it heals. I just hate seeing my friends go through it. Why do we let people make us feel this way? Why do we allow them to have this pull on our hearts? It's a waste of time, and for me, especially right now. It's ME time.

Living with Daniel L. was the smartest thing I ever did down here. Not having a relationship with my father, he became my LA father. A figure of authority and friendship that I cherish to this day. While staying there, I spent many a day and night on that rooftop...observing Mid-Wilshire in LA, seeing the H and O of the Hollywood sign and reminding myself why I'm here, playing guitar and writing, writing, writing. And thinking. A. LOT. I really "found myself" up there, as cliche as that is to say. But I did. Whenever I go visit him, I go up to that rooftop, light up a cigarette, and refresh my sense of being. It's soothing to my soul. It strengthens my sensitive, emotional misgivings... I will always think of that place every day of my life.

I bring that up because I think it's time for a visit to the ol' construction site. Due to recent events in my life, a few pieces of me are in need of repair, and I'm slowly mending the pieces back into their rightful positions. My focus is shifted, and I need to get back on track. Focus on the goals I set out in a previous post, cherish the amazing friends I've made over the last year, and live my life. Be me. Flourish. So I'm taking out the trash. Any and all bullshit that has no place on my mind- gone. Lay to rest the wastes of time, we're loading up the hearse and picking out our best in black. The show must go on, and these tickets were expensive!