I'm feeling a little all over the place today. Happy and anxious. Subdued. Relieved. Stagnant. So many different emotions in the slide show of my mind... it's almost impossible to keep up. I'm taking one thing at a time, but I can't help switching slides and changing moods. For the most part? I feel good. No- I feel great. I do. I'm hopeful... in spite of the fact I have a feeling a small heartache is near. I'm prepared, though, and focused on what really matters. Myself.
Behind Door #1- Shaneil took ahold of her career. I should've spoken up earlier. I know this. I feel bad for this. It is what it is, though- my favorite cop-out. If you didn't know already, I cancelled the big interview on Tuesday when I was already halfway there. Well, postponed it. It only sets me back a couple of months, and I really and truly needed to make that decision. It's all too fast, too soon for something I've barely been able to prepare for. On top of that, my personal life needs some mending time before piling on a whole crapload of work... so I made the call to the district manager, explained my position, and went home. An extremely tough phone call, though it went well. The point is, I feel an enourmous amount of relief and am pleased with my choice.
Behind Door #2- Shaneil released some nagging feelings. Some things have been bothering me to the point where nothing else mattered. Enough was enough. So after making peace with a few things, I finally voiced some concerns to someone and feel extremely relieved. I do not necessarily expect a response... but just saying it "out loud" made me feel better.
Behind Door #3- Shaneil's seeing her effing family!!! Many of you probably do not know much about my relationship with my family. It is so complicated and varied that I tend to keep my family life personal and private. That isn't to say I won't answer questions about them, I just don't offer up the information very often. Well, after over 2 years of not seeing my Mom and Grammy, they're coming into town tomorrow for 3 days!! I am SO thrilled to see them, and two of my little sisters. Some much needed love and attention is just what the doctor ordered for this achin' heart...
With my priorities straightened out a bit, I'm feeling better and better each day. I'm looking towards the future with a smile and high hopes. I'm in control and no one else. Not anymore. This is my world, and I'm the only one living in it... so take your shoes off at the door.
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