There comes a time in one's life where you sit back and re-evaluate everything. I think it's called "growing up". Anyways. I took a biiiig step back recently and realized I love everything and everyone around me deeply... except myself. That shit is WHACK! I should be the first person I love, before anyone else. Besides, how can you possibly love someone else if you don't find love for yourself? Maybe this has been my problem all along...
Something I will forever be thankful for is how Chris made me feel about myself. No, no- I'm not dwelling on the guy. Believe me, the decision I made for us was right and I'm happy I did it. I still miss him, though- he is, after all, one of my best friends. But when we were together, he loved me and made me feel like no one else ever has. He truly knew how to make me feel beautiful. We used to have this thing; if you said something bad about yourself, you were ordered to "take it back" or you would be "bopped" on the nose. Seriously. Haha! Ahhh the times I smacked his nose... hey, I got it, too! And it works. If you forget all the crap life throws at you to bring you down, you start to remember that you're good enough for this world. Your head can toy with you... I tend to get lost inside my head sometimes, and overanalyze so much that I start to believe the lies I tell myself. I constantly think I'm not good enough to do the things I love... but I'm finally starting to remember that I am good enough. That I'm worth much more than what I give myself credit for... I feel like I'm reciting this new song I'm writing, seeing as how that's pretty much how it goes. Haha! Man, I feel good tonight. Let's move on.
So, all full of lovin'-me-more-than-ever, I accomplished a few things today. I had work from 8am to 4pm, and work early tomorrow, so I had a small window to get some ish done. It isn't much, but I worked on my interview paperwork, made a list with my own notes on 17 apartments (including phone numbers so I can call Monday!), figured out how I'm going to transfer my cable, and worked on some bills. Nothing to completely cross off of my list yet, but a handful of goals worked on in one way or another. I'm feeling good today. Not great. Not bad. Content. At peace. Tranquil. It's a nice feeling; haven't felt it in a while. Life is life. Love is love. I am me, and that's not changing. It's nice to reconnect with someone I'm spending the rest of my life with! Makes it less awkward.
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