There are a million things I want to write about... and it's the best feeling I've had in a long time. I've been wading through life recently with hope leading the way. Hope for this, hope for that... the point is, I've been keeping my head high and praying for the best. I have faith in the potential for good things to happen to me if I allow them. My problem? It's hard for me to allow them... every time things start going good, I find myself sitting back waiting for the bad to break the spell of happiness washing over me. Old habits die hard; this is what I'm used to in life. Not being dramatic, just being realistic. Well, I'm growing up fast and I'm tired of waiting around.
Too often we sit around waiting for good things to come to us. Well, that's not really how life works. If you really want something, go get it. Short, but sweet. Last year, I really took hold of this perspective. Everything I set out to accomplish that year, I accomplished. It was an amazing feeling... that I miss. I do feel like I have accomplished some this year, but my focus and attention have been in dire need of redirection. You want to know what's really been on my mind? How can I put this...
I'm reaching my limit's end waiting for something that is probably never going to happen. The only thing holding me back from knowing the full truth is my fear of the answer. So- I either make my peace with the situation as it is and move on... or I face my fear. For today, I'm making my peace with the situation. It's not that bad of one, though my dreams taunt me with my utmost desires. Bastards. I have already calmed some anxiety on the subject through some slips of honesty and appreciation of what I have. I can be a very patient person, so I'm enjoying the ride down a path of least-resistance. Simple as that.
Life is what you make of it, right? So I'm making it a more peaceful, enjoyable one. I've been waiting around for something to just- happen... something to jolt me out of my funk. Not just with the aforementioned situation, but with life in general. But it's not just going to come rolling up to my door on a silver platter. I have to fight for it... earn it... in the end, it's always worth so much more when achieved that way.
In addition to a mess of wants, I have been waiting... and waiting... and WAITING for this writer's block to dissipate. Today, I broke through. Halle-fricken'-lujah! Taking some lyrics I wrote a few months ago, I grabbed my roomie's guitar and wrote the melody. Just the feel of the guitar in my hands was enough to get me going... it has been WAY too long. If you're not a musician, it's tough to understand the relationship you have with your instrument; be it a tangible one or a vocal one. Everyone has a passion, though- something that truly makes them happy in life. Something they would do for free if they could... and do. It's exactly like having an actual human relationship... you fight; you make-up; you have incredible moments; you have frustrating moments. It's a rollercoaster ride that I will never turn down. Passion makes life worth living. Those moments that take your breath away... it's the same with people. When you truly love someone, they provide the happiest and saddest moments of your life. They can make you feel like the only person in a crowded room, yet know just the right buttons to push to send you into a blind fury. What they do with the information at hand is what really proves the love... but anyways. I love my tangents!
It's going to take a little more momentum to bring back my wit, creating a more pleasurable read. So... bear with me? Please? In the meantime, I'm inching towards getting Shaneil a real, live life. No more waiting around. Embrace my passion for life and let my smile do the rest! 'Cause when you're smiling, I hear the whole world smiles with you. :D
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