Okay, I'm tired of feeling sorry for myself- it's time to move on and move forward and move up and... just move. My ass. NOW.
I have already broached the subject of smoking...which, ugghhhh, here's the update since yesterday: I bought another pack. Fuckin' sue me. I smoked almost half of it last night, too! What of it? I'm weak...I was trying to get it out of my system so I could wake up this morning and gag at the thought of a cigarette. Well, it worked! I didn't take the pack with me, and didn't smoke ALL DAY at work! And now......I've smoked two since I got home. I'm sorry! I'm not ready to quit cold turkey- BUT- I am cutting down big time. I'm no longer taking cigarettes to work, and I'm gonna try to only have 1-2 a day, at most. So that's something. I'll include an update on this one at the bottom of every post. That way, I have motivation to not smoke and have everyone (or the two of you) be proud of me :)
Next on the list... HEALTH. I need to get myself in shape and healthy. I have already taken steps towards this, which I am extremely proud of! I can't believe I'm about to admit this...buuuut my heaviest was 180...okay 185. Now, I'm around 125- yesss!!! That took eating smaller portions and walking as much as possible. Now, I'm working on eating healthier. I've been eating a banana or oatmeal at work, along with orange juice. So yay for vitamins! But with my recent break-up and loneliness and mild depression, I haven't been eating much lately...so I need to get myself on a steady schedule of at least three meals a day, somewhat healthy meals. And I want to join a gym, just need a gym buddy! Gyms make me nervous; don't know why, but need someone there with me so I can relax and exercise my hot body into an even hotter one!
Vehicle: With my roomie gone this week, I have had her car at my disposal and have been LOVING it! I want a car again...nothing fancy, just a point A to point B kind of car. Something to get me out of this effing apartment and out into the world as often as possible. I hate...greatly dislike...being cooped up in my apartment. I need air. I need to see other buildings. It doesn't mean I don't love you, apartment. Time apart is healthy. Promise.
Rolling with that goal...FINANCES...dun Dun DUN!!! Ohhh boy, this is a big one! I have so many things I need to take care of financially, and I really want to start working on paying it all off and possibly creating a decent credit score. I have many debts, and many things in queue that require a somewhat large chunk of change. I need to get my teeth fixed, my dogs to the vet, a car (see previous goal), among other things I can't think of right now...so it's time to start a budget! Budget, pay bills on time, sign up for payment plans with bill collectors, start taking care of my teeth a little at a time, etc...can't wait for that promotion!
Alrighty, here's the biggie! Muuuuusic... I have GOT to get over this insane fear I have of pursuing my music...it goes wayyyy deeper than you could imagine. I can barely play for my damn friends! People who have heard me a hundred times, I still get ridiculously nervous and start diminishing whatever I'm about to play/sing. It's not an attractive quality. It's plain annoying. And the weirdest part? I really love my songs! I'm proud of them, and think I have something here...but shit, what if no one agrees? What if I look stupid? What if people say, "what was she thinking??" ????......WHY THE HELL SHOULD I CARE?! Right?!
SO, I have analyzed and picked apart this fear of mine...and I know a couple of things I need to do. I need lessons. I need a vocal coach, and I need private guitar lessons. It seems like the only way I can stay focused and learn consistently. The nice thing is, I'm a quick learner. So the lessons will be even more beneficial for me than the average Joe...sephine? Either way, I need to get down to business! It's business time!!! (Name THAT reference!!) The vocal coach can wait until I'm a little more financially stable...I have ways of working on that on my own. But I definitely want a guitar teacher...and if someone would take me, I've already found my teacher! Too bad he won't read this. I'll have to stalk him later. Sorry, stake him. Okay, inside joke. Sorry.
I also need to start going to open mics. One step towards this goal: I have scoured the internet for any and all open mics that appeal to me, and have their locations and schedules saved. So, one step towards this goal? CHECK! Now to show up...who's with me???
I think that's a good starting point. I have a list of very important priorities here, and the best part?? They all link up towards my ultimate goal: A better me. I need to be happy with me, just me. I need to stop thinking about love, and when I'll find it again. I'm a good person, I have great qualities, and I love unconditionally. Love should be lining up at my doorstep! But it's not...and I have to relax and accept that...and then love will find me. And we'll live happily ever after...and our love children will frolic in the gardens of the happiness we've built on our candy-coated mountain of puppy dog tails and rain-fuckin-bows... Yeah, I just threw up in my mouth,too.
Writing down your goals is really important- it's like telling the universe that you are here and ready to kick some ass!
ReplyDeleteThe thing the helped me quit eating meat/animal products was watching behind-the-scenes videos and reading a lot. Just like everyone knows that farm animals aren't treated well, everyone knows that smoking is bad for you. But by forcing myself to stare it in the face, it really effected me. You may want to get on Google and YouTube and see the most disgusting side effects of smoking and MAKE yourself take it in...it MAY just make you quit cold-turkey. (If it does help you quit, do it every so often as a "refresher.")
ReplyDeleteBtw, I found a grammatical error in your post. I WOULD be nice and tell you where it is, but it's always good to read and re-read your goals. ;)
Is it the apostrophe on "collector's"??? Is that it? TELL ME!
ReplyDelete