Smoke Stacks

Oh me...me, me, me.
Me and my addictive personality...

So, I just got home from hangin' with the boys, and my buddy Nick informs us it's been a week since his last cigarette! High-fives ensued, the night went on, and I probably smoked 10 cigarettes. Ay yi yi...

Hello, my name is Shaneil, and I am an addict. Among other things, smoking cigarettes is my addiction. I have been smoking since I was almost 18, sooo...holy moly almost EIGHT years. This is NO GOOD! That's a long time, AND I'm getting old! Uggghhhh...

How It Started: So my old friend, Nikki, and I were hanging outside of our work (Taco Bell) per our usual routine of preparing for a night out. She is a smoker, yet I had never been. For whatever reason, I asked her for one so I could "try it". Famous last words, my friends! She started teasing me because I wasn't inhaling properly...or at all. Well, I finished that bad boy and while she continued talking to a friend of ours, I proceeded to steal THREE more cigarettes from her and "practice", hidden behind her car. I never turn down a challenge! And I've never stopped smoking.

I want to quit, no I need to quit...I don't particularly want to. I know that seems weird, but I like smoking. It comes with the territory. But as a singer...that alone should be my motivation to quit! Yet I enjoy it...and until I don't enjoy it anymore, I struggle with quitting. I feel like I'm getting close, though. I have been smoking much more lately, due to loneliness and boredom, so I'm trying to fill my plate with activities and such to take up my free time. I'm in major preparation for my promotion, so that helps. And I try to go out with friends whenever possible, catch a show or just go for a drive (although I always enjoy smoking in the car...shit!). I'm also trying to throw myself back into music. I have recently made a lot of musician friends, and hanging with them always motivates me to come home and practice, practice, practice! (That's why I blow you up, Nick! :D) They are all so talented and dedicated, and I try to ride that wave all the way home and apply it to my own practice time.

I'm starting to feel the physical repercussions of it, also. I don't enjoy running out of breath every time I climb the stairs to my apartment while talking at the same time. I can't even multitask anymore??? What kind of shit is that? I get weird pains in my chest all the time, and I wake up with sore throats. And I wonder why my voice isn't what it used to be. Siiiiiiiigh.

I'm not really keen on spending $60 for a pack of nicorette gum, but I think I'm going to try regular gum and find other ways to keep my mouth busy (oh hush perverts!). I know a big part of it is the simple act of smoking, keeping my hands and mouth busy (geez, no way to make this not sound dirty). So as I stare down at my current pack of smokes, with only 2 left...I wonder, should I start now? I am broke after all, so maybe just...not buy a new pack? This is scary...but I think I can do it. I know I can. Just don't want to. Fuck. I'm going in, cover me!