Before I was fired from Starbucks, I knew it was coming. I also thought it would end all of the happiness in my life... from a job I loved, to my dream apartment, I felt my world was about to cave in and destroy me. Well, it didn't... and I came to terms with that, long before they pulled the plug.
Yes, I kept hope alive in my heart that my inevitable fate would not actually occur... but a part of me had already accepted it as what was meant to be. Starbucks was my life; my life was Starbucks. That, in itself, was the ultimate problem. You see, I am what I like to call an "equal-opportunity lover", in the sense that I pretty much love everything. I have many passions and joys in life that I was missing out on the last couple of years. From my music to cooking to something as simple as a puzzle, my life had many gaps in it that I filled with my passion for my work. But for me, my work is life. Life is the journey, and I was stuck at a rest-stop for two years. I've heard it said that you can be alive, but still not living. I finally understand this statement.
I can say today- now, I am finally living. Things have worked themselves out, as they tend to do... but much more than that, I am creating a life for myself that includes my main passion in life: LIFE. Since my departure from Starbucks, I have reconnected with acquaintances and made them lifetime friends; I have delved into music in ways I never have; I have focused on making my dream apartment what I actually see in my dreams; hell, I've even done a puzzle! Even as I was searching for new jobs, I refused to commit to anything I didn't actually want to do, even if I should have for the sake of my situation. Now, I am about to start two jobs at places I actually want to work at, in an area I love, and within a block from each other! I have acquired, one way or another, everything I need to complete my apartment and maintain a healthy lifestyle here. I've even met someone incredible, who accepts me exactly as I am. Every piece of me. Although it is still very new, it is an amazing feeling to meet and connect with someone who completely understands my mindset. I... am living.
Through everything I've gone through recently, the one thing that kept me positive and going strong... was myself. I learned a while ago that loving and accepting yourself, exactly as you are, is the most important key to happiness. Friends and loved ones come and go, family starts their own families, but you are the only person with yourself 100% of the time. No matter what. If you don't love yourself, then you have a long road ahead of you with someone you don't even want to be around!
Tonight, I coined a... statement, if you will, and stated it to two different people in my life. One is someone I never talk to, the other a constant in my life. "Happiness, though strengthened by those around us, originates within." I am quite proud of that statement, and stand by it with all of my faith and belief. I always tell people that I am great at giving advice, but terrible at receiving it. Well, following it. But, because of that, I have learned my life's lessons through my own choices, my own mistakes, and my own understanding of how to handle situations thrown at me by this thing called life. I am by no means perfect, but I take pride in the fact that my perspective assists me with life and everything it's got. I can be disgustingly positive at times, but when I truly need it, I push through obstacles I never thought I could. Everyone has their own ways of dealing with things, but I find the best way is with a smile on your face, acceptance of what we cannot change, and the strength to change what we can. Okay... maybe I stole that from somewhere. What are you, the quote police?! ..... Yeahhh, maybe I'm a bit rusty... Smiles and Love to All! :)
Showing posts with label happiness. Show all posts
Showing posts with label happiness. Show all posts
Monday, November 7, 2011
Tuesday, August 16, 2011
New Dawn, New Day, New Life... Part 3
Leave it to your best friend to keep you motivated, even if from about 230 miles away! The last two weeks have flown on by, but it's only because I've been so incredibly happy, I barely noticed. I've missed you, blogger- let's chat!
Many of my friends are getting married, getting pregnant, getting puked on by their little ones; but today, it's just me and my little man, Buster. My new place is everything and more... more than I imagined it could be. Sure, it's just a little studio in the heart of Koreatown... but it's so perfect for me, I could puke on myself! From my own space, to the building, to the landlord and all of the tenants within, it is a place I call home with a smile on my face. :) <---see?
I preach about the fact that we control what we receive in life, but it's more than that... it's being able to put yourself out there for good things to happen to you. Sometimes, you have to put pride, dignity, and all of that other rubbish on the shelf, and truly strive for what you want. When I came to view this apartment, I immediately fell in love. Nothing could stop me from getting my dream apartment, not even myself! Through reaching out to friends and family for help financially, manually labor...ly, and emotionally, I achieved my goal and am now sitting in said dream apartment, Buster by my side, helicopters filling the air, a breeze flowing through my windows (which, by the way, face a pretty nice view of LA! Did I mention my last apartment had two windows? That faced walls? WALLS?!) I am exactly where I need to be, and it took letting my guard down and asking for help. They say there's nothing wrong with asking for help, and I stand here as your proof. It is TOTALLY worth it!
Though I give due credit to those who helped me in one way or another, I take pride in the fact that this happened because I made it happen. I made the steps to acquire what I needed to achieve this goal... as for the last two weeks in new habitat? Ohhhh boy...
Through battles with a lack of funds, a lack of necessary moving help, a lack of time, stow away roaches, deflating air mattresses, and so on... I came out on the other side with newfound friendships with amazing neighbors, an aching desire to come home every night, discoveries of little gems in markets that smell like spoiled milk (a broom for a dolla'?? Holla'!), and the perfect setting for me to fall back in love with my true love... music. That's right, kids! I fixed what I thought was a broken string, and have been playing/singing every. flippin'. DAY! My voice has never sounded better, my confidence has never been so strong, and my heart has never been so full of a driving force pushing me towards what I truly want: to attempt something with my music. I need to really dive into it with practice and practice aaaaand... more practice first, but it's coming... oh, yes! It's coming...
I've met some boys and had some fun, I've snuggled my pup when the day is done. I've hung some clothes and dressed some walls, I've reminisced through unpacking it all. This life is mine and only for me, and it's finally what I want it to be... look out world, Shaneil's in the driver's seat, and her high beams are blinding any obstacle in her way! It's a new dawn, a new day, a new life for me... and damn it, I'm feelin' gooooooood.
Many of my friends are getting married, getting pregnant, getting puked on by their little ones; but today, it's just me and my little man, Buster. My new place is everything and more... more than I imagined it could be. Sure, it's just a little studio in the heart of Koreatown... but it's so perfect for me, I could puke on myself! From my own space, to the building, to the landlord and all of the tenants within, it is a place I call home with a smile on my face. :) <---see?
I preach about the fact that we control what we receive in life, but it's more than that... it's being able to put yourself out there for good things to happen to you. Sometimes, you have to put pride, dignity, and all of that other rubbish on the shelf, and truly strive for what you want. When I came to view this apartment, I immediately fell in love. Nothing could stop me from getting my dream apartment, not even myself! Through reaching out to friends and family for help financially, manually labor...ly, and emotionally, I achieved my goal and am now sitting in said dream apartment, Buster by my side, helicopters filling the air, a breeze flowing through my windows (which, by the way, face a pretty nice view of LA! Did I mention my last apartment had two windows? That faced walls? WALLS?!) I am exactly where I need to be, and it took letting my guard down and asking for help. They say there's nothing wrong with asking for help, and I stand here as your proof. It is TOTALLY worth it!
Though I give due credit to those who helped me in one way or another, I take pride in the fact that this happened because I made it happen. I made the steps to acquire what I needed to achieve this goal... as for the last two weeks in new habitat? Ohhhh boy...
Through battles with a lack of funds, a lack of necessary moving help, a lack of time, stow away roaches, deflating air mattresses, and so on... I came out on the other side with newfound friendships with amazing neighbors, an aching desire to come home every night, discoveries of little gems in markets that smell like spoiled milk (a broom for a dolla'?? Holla'!), and the perfect setting for me to fall back in love with my true love... music. That's right, kids! I fixed what I thought was a broken string, and have been playing/singing every. flippin'. DAY! My voice has never sounded better, my confidence has never been so strong, and my heart has never been so full of a driving force pushing me towards what I truly want: to attempt something with my music. I need to really dive into it with practice and practice aaaaand... more practice first, but it's coming... oh, yes! It's coming...
I've met some boys and had some fun, I've snuggled my pup when the day is done. I've hung some clothes and dressed some walls, I've reminisced through unpacking it all. This life is mine and only for me, and it's finally what I want it to be... look out world, Shaneil's in the driver's seat, and her high beams are blinding any obstacle in her way! It's a new dawn, a new day, a new life for me... and damn it, I'm feelin' gooooooood.
Sunday, July 10, 2011
Nobody Knows It But Me
It has been quite some time since I've posted... not sure why. I guess I needed some time to keep my thoughts to myself. I've been slowly but surely settling in to this new life of mine... and I'm happy to say that everything's pretty darn good right now! Work has slowed a bit, in the sense that the relieved pressure from pushing my promotion back has proved successful. I am finally feeling more comfortable and able to put into motion the plans I have for that store... and yes, I'm excited! I love work. I take pride in it, no matter the job. And heck, I love this job!
Staying away from this blog has almost made me forget how to blog... Ha! Me? Unable to ramble on about something? Unlikely. I guess the subject matter currently crowding a good portion of this girl's mind is just too personal... it's complicated. A great escape from the truth...
It's interesting to me how everyone keeps certain things inside... hidden from the rest of the population. Even being an extremely honest person, there are certain things I share with certain people; certain things I keep to myself; certain things no one will ever know... most likely. And we all have these things inside of us that we hold in and bury deep and wish away and blah blah blah... but how much can you really hold in? What's the limit to the capacity of crap floating around your head, heart and soul? How long do you hold on to this information before it finally explodes out of you? Or is it necessary to keep to yourself? How do you judge which is which? It's flippin' exHAUSTing! Too much thinking... can destroy you. Sometimes, you need to get the negative out and the positive finds its way inside. This is not to say the information shared is negative, just that the collection of such is dangerous... the mildew and mold of buried feelings has the potential to stink up a lot of your life. And I don't like to stink.
I've been sticking to my gut, and following my heart. I'm making decisions in my life that are improving the quality of it and refreshing my positive outlook. I'm finding the voice I thought I had lost... I hit a bump in the road, and for a while, felt stuck upon it like a frog on a lily pad... with a broken leg. Which makes it hard to hop. Or swim. In case you didn't get the comparison... I'm not very clever these days! But- I'm happy. I'm taking each day as a new opportunity to live it how I see fit. Things are slowly falling into place... one step at a time. Though I cannot disclose what is mainly on my mind, I hope to fall back into writing this blog again. I miss it. It's a great way to practice my knack for writing and my need for release. Now, if people would stop drinking so many damn skinny, 1 equal, no foam, half-caf lattes- maybe I wouldn't be so exhausted when I get home every night! Or maybe I just need one... or two.
Staying away from this blog has almost made me forget how to blog... Ha! Me? Unable to ramble on about something? Unlikely. I guess the subject matter currently crowding a good portion of this girl's mind is just too personal... it's complicated. A great escape from the truth...
It's interesting to me how everyone keeps certain things inside... hidden from the rest of the population. Even being an extremely honest person, there are certain things I share with certain people; certain things I keep to myself; certain things no one will ever know... most likely. And we all have these things inside of us that we hold in and bury deep and wish away and blah blah blah... but how much can you really hold in? What's the limit to the capacity of crap floating around your head, heart and soul? How long do you hold on to this information before it finally explodes out of you? Or is it necessary to keep to yourself? How do you judge which is which? It's flippin' exHAUSTing! Too much thinking... can destroy you. Sometimes, you need to get the negative out and the positive finds its way inside. This is not to say the information shared is negative, just that the collection of such is dangerous... the mildew and mold of buried feelings has the potential to stink up a lot of your life. And I don't like to stink.
I've been sticking to my gut, and following my heart. I'm making decisions in my life that are improving the quality of it and refreshing my positive outlook. I'm finding the voice I thought I had lost... I hit a bump in the road, and for a while, felt stuck upon it like a frog on a lily pad... with a broken leg. Which makes it hard to hop. Or swim. In case you didn't get the comparison... I'm not very clever these days! But- I'm happy. I'm taking each day as a new opportunity to live it how I see fit. Things are slowly falling into place... one step at a time. Though I cannot disclose what is mainly on my mind, I hope to fall back into writing this blog again. I miss it. It's a great way to practice my knack for writing and my need for release. Now, if people would stop drinking so many damn skinny, 1 equal, no foam, half-caf lattes- maybe I wouldn't be so exhausted when I get home every night! Or maybe I just need one... or two.
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