It's funny- in order for me to stay focused, I have to distract myself. That is to say, I have to keep my mind busy to keep myself busy. If something's on my mind or something's bothering me, I will sit there and dwell on it and overanalyze and sink into the abyss of worrying about things I need not worry about. And so I write and sing and play and get it all out. Then what? Well, then ladies and gentlemen, Shaneil is productive!
It's hard to get me going, but once I start cleaning up, I can't stop. I love it. Just need to find a way to spread it out and clean as I go more. Which I have been. So the place actually looks pretty great, thanks to the efforts of myself and my amazing roomie! Getting things organized and clean really does disinfect the mind. I've been more focused on things that matter to me- music, work, friends and family. So today, in order to not completely waste another day off, I got all of my laundry done- all of it. And there was a lot. I had to use all four machines both times, and I cram. I know you're not supposed to, but I do. Get over it. I also cleaned up my room, which has been a bit of a wreck lately. I made sure I ate meals at appropriate "breakfast", "lunch" and "dinner" hours. And I played. And I played well. Really well. I was so damn proud of myself, I played the whole demo again. It sounded great! My guitar needs a little tightening here and there, but it will be like that for a while. Still learning that. But the vocals were of high value to me, and that makes me very happy. It got me pumped for recording this demo I have been talking about (well, not on here yet) for eight months. Maybe more. It reignited that fire I felt the night of my first gig. I'd call that pretty damn focused. All I want to do is record this thing. I'm so flippin' excited to have something on an actual recording! The video on facebook/youtube was thrilling for me! A tiny little home video. Melted my heart. Lit up my soul. Rejuvenated the love and passion I have for music. I have to hold on to that, because it so easily slips away with the distractions of life. So I'm staying motivated. I'm staying driven. I'm staying focused.
When put to good use, my crazy-always-thinking-never-stopping brain can actually focus on something and make big steps towards the ultimate goal. I just have to keep writing. Keep playing. Keep myself happy- love, learn, live. Keep my head high and remember that I am worth much more than I give myself credit for. Most of us are. We try to find validation in everything but ourselves. Well, myself has been pep-talkin' the HELL out of...well, myself, and reminding...again, myself, what I am worth and what I deserve. I deserve to at least try something with my music. I deserve to move up in my job. I deserve to have the friends I have around me. And I deserve someone one day who truly appreciates me for me. Everything about me. The bad with the good. The ugly with the sexy. The weaknesses with the strengths. Just good ol'...me.
So, yeah- I'm makin' changes and I like it! Just to further what I said in the previous post. I feel good. I feel focused. Yes, my heart and mind are still a little scatter-brained, but I'm healing and learning and continuing to love. I'm anxious to get this recording done, and see what I can do with it. I'm not expecting much, but I'm excited to finally make small steps towards something I've thought about my entire life. One day at a time. One step at a time. Slowly but surely, this lady's going for something more! A chance at true happiness. In all aspects of my life. Starting with music. Works every time.
No comments:
Post a Comment