Home Is Where Your Heart Is

It's been a long few days for me, both physically and emotionally. I haven't written because I've been writing songs, which is good. That tap, however, has run dry at the moment. So I'm back!

Tonight while closing, my coworker and I began talking about our fathers. Hers is currently in town with her for the week, and they have been fighting non-stop. It's funny that she should look to me for advice, as I have no relationship with mine. And it took years of trying, as she is now, for me to finally say 'enough is enough'. I am at peace with our lack of a relationship (for lack of a better set of words). I had to forgive myself to find it. But my life is just simply better how it is now. If I believed it could be different, believe me, I'd be trying just as I always had. But if you know me well enough, you probably agree with my decision.

On a somewhat lighter note, it got me thinking about family. I miss them. I have so many great people that I call my family, and as sad as it is, Facebook has started to bring us back together. I know I'm on facebook a lot, as you can see from my ridiculous amount of posts, but it has helped me reconnect with family that I barely talk to, and really should. So I get hooked. Hooked on the connections and conversations. Hooked on the reminder that I have people who love me dearly. Hooked on an effing social networking site because, damn it, I love people! What is this, an intervention?! Sheesh!

It's true, though. I do love people. And I've been trying to be extra-there for those I love. It's hard for me to get on the phone, yes- but sign on to facebook or read my blog and I'm there! Don't judge me. It's who I am. I write. I like to interact with a lot of different people. I feel like I'm defending myself. Why am I defending myself? It's late. I should go to sleep.

The point is, I got a little down tonight thinking about my father. It got me thinking about my uncle, who was like a father to me growing up (or a big brother, really), and passed. About my "LA Father", whom I fought with a couple of weeks ago and haven't spoken to since. Geez. No wonder I have trouble with men- I have "daddy-issues"?! Really?!! I'm that girl?? Yuck. I think I turned out pretty well in spite of that revolting revelation. I've done a lot of growing up, and part of that is learning to appreciate the things I should appreciate. Like family. So to any and all family who read this, just know that I love you all dearly. I don't always keep in touch like I should, but you're thought about and cared about. THAT- will NEVER change. And if you're ever in LA, this heart will always be here for you to call home.