Ahhh... Life Strikes Again

Man, oh man. What a weekend... I am definitely feeling a lot right now. A lot of crap. A lot of okay. Some good. Just everything. Feeling everything. A bit overwhelming, but I think everything's going to be fine. Sometimes you just hit those big bumps in the road, so you throw it into 4-wheel drive and push through. That's what I'm going to do. That's what I need to do.

I've made some choices lately that I don't regret, but everything has its cause and effect. Some good, some bad. One in particular had a bit more bad to it, but I can only look forward. I've been struggling to straighten this noggin' on a little tighter, and things are finally coming into focus. I'm in the process of making peace with a few things, and it's definitely a battle. All I can do is keep my head high and heart strong and move on. It's strange, I never thought it would make a difference, but I've never been a single adult. I really grew up in my relationship with Chris. We both did. But I've never experienced single life as an adult... there are different daily life situations that you experience, and I'm new to it all. It's good for me to face them, though- it's all a part of growing up, experiencing, and learning. It's tough, though. Especially when you're on one end of a "situation" while simultaneously on the other end of another "situation". That's gonna be a toughie! I need a vacation. No- distractions.

I'm a feeler. I feel so much, for so much. I guess that's called emotional. Explains my music/writing. I'm not afraid to let down my walls and let people in. Well, most people. Some people make me ridiculously shy. Not sure why, but it's annoying. I just wanna be me! But we all know Shaneil has anxiety. Moving forward...

I have a lot to focus on right now, but I'm starting to question what's really important to me in life. I only have one, and I don't want to waste it feeling like I'm settling. But settling for what? What am I striving for? I'm slowly figuring it out... but emotions are screwing me up. They tend to override rational mind. But I follow my heart. I can't help it. It's who I am. So I'm working towards that steady balance and readjusting my state of mind. It's time to look at things as how they are. Reality. Bites.

Well, I'm chewing into something myself. It's a big shiny apple called "opportunity". Opportunity to salvage and maintain some long-lasting friendships. Opportunity to make some decent money and get my finances in order (plus pay for some things I so desperately need!). Opportunity to do something with my music. Opportunity is bangin' like a lunatic on my damn door, and it's time I answered. Just keep swimming...just keep swimming...just keep swimming. Swim, swim, SWIM! And swim. And swim. And fuck my arms are tired. Maybe I should start working out, too? Sheesh.