I'm happy when everybody else is happy. So when a good friend of mine is down, all I want to do is help. Hell, not even just "good" friends, anyone in general. I can't help it. I have that motherly-let-me-wipe-your-tears syndrome. I want to hold and console every aching heart and try to make it better. It's exhausting! But, gratifying. And that's all that matters.
Sometimes, people don't want help. I understand this all too well. Stubborn as I am, sometimes I want to figure it out myself and find my own peace with a situation. And sometimes, that's the way it should be. Some things are meant to be dealt with in private, with your own thoughts, your own responses. I have to talk myself through things, sometimes. Yes, I talk out loud. What have I told you about judging me??
I may not always know the details, or understand the pain, but I can be there with a clean shoulder and a comforting hand. And probably a lame joke. I can't help it. I gotta' try to get that smile on your face! I know that, when I'm down about something, even just a hello from an old friend can totally change my mood. People tend to refrain from reaching out because of fear. Fear of a negative reaction, no reaction, too much reaction- but I don't care. I will always put myself out there, because people need people. People need that comfort and support. It's how we thrive. We all need each other, so it's incredibly ridiculous to me how much we fight, bicker, hate and destroy each other. We should be looking to each other for a helping hand, without fear that there won't be one.
Take last night. I got off of work, and SURPRISE! It was raining! I happen to carry an umbrella in my work bag every day, so I was dry and cozy under my little umbrella at the bus stop. I look to my right, and this poor girl is standing in the rain, obviously unaware of the impending weather as I was, arms tight around herself and obvious impatience for the bus to show up. I made a joke about unfolding the big umbrella the parking guy uses, and discovered she doesn't really speak English. No problem! I walked over, handed her my umbrella, and threw my hood on. Hell, the girl was dressed to impress while I stood in my coffee-inspired ensemble- what did I need the damn umbrella for?? She was so sweet! "Thank you! Thank you!" was all she could utter in a language I could understand. She kept putting the umbrella over my head, too, so through much resistance and laughter, I finally stood there next to her in the rain, one under each half of the umbrella. Slightly awkward, yes- but we were both dry and happy. We went to get on the bus, and she insisted I go first. Though we never spoke, she made it a point to say goodbye and thank you again as she departed the bus. What a sweet girl! She totally made my night, and all I did was share a tiny portion of a crappy umbrella. These are those random acts of kindness I speak of. Pay it forward, as they say. It felt great!
I'm not trying to be all "Ooh I'm so awesome, I help people!" I just think if more people did little things like that, the world would be a better place. As cheesy as it is, Starbucks has a mission statement that says "One person, one cup, one neighborhood at a time." I like to think of this as my life's motto. Except, maybe more like "one person, one random act of kindness, one day at a time." Day by day. Person by person. I take it step by step. (No, I will not break into the theme from said show...but yes, I really want to). It doesn't take much to reach out and touch someone in need. So why waste all your time thinking about yourself?
We do, of course, need to think of ourselves, also. That's where my writing comes in, my two amazing boys whom I love dearly, the friends I surround myself with... you are all a part of what makes me "me" and contribute in your own little ways every day. And probably don't even realize it. I keep myself sane by keeping people I love around me. I reach out to everyone, and in turn they reach out to me. It's a two-way street. We're all on it, coasting along this thing called life. Now get off your damn cell phone before you run someone over!
Tuesday, May 10, 2011
Saturday, May 7, 2011
Hugs For Free
I want things I can't have. I miss someone I can't tell. I have a roomie, but feel like I live alone. I'm happy, but down all the time. My life needs to make up it's MIND! Siiiiigh. Someone hold me. Or let me punch them. I feel like either way, I'd feel better. This is another one of those "not sure what to title or write about" yet posts. But again, you already know the title. Sooo.....if you could clue me in, that would be great. Yeaaah...
Things are going really great for me right now. In most aspects. We all have our thorns...but I feel a deep void I can't ignore and I haven't put my finger on it just yet. I feel like every time I write, be it this blog or a song, I get that much closer to figuring it out. So I guess time will tell. Hey, time! Speed it up buddy! Love, Shaneil.
Everyone has a void inside of them that, when filled, creates an overwhelming happiness and joy for life. And like one giant bakery, we all require different fillings and different flavors to make us feel complete. What is mine, you ask? Love. Love, love, love, love...craaaazy love. Well, not exactly. I'm not saying I need some man with roses and a promise of forever right now. Slow down, cowboy! I just need to be loved. Hell, we ALL need to be loved. But I think I need it on a deeper level. I've mentioned my constant need for interaction, but I miss having someone I'm close with. Someone I can talk to on a regular basis. A best friend. Don't get me wrong, Jamie is my best friend and I love her dearly. But I see her less now that we live together... not sure how that came about, but she has her own life to take care of. And very good reason for being off in her own world. Just so we're clear, this is NOTHING against her. (Love you Boo!)
Chris was my boyfriend and my best friend. I lost both of those in one day. I feel extremely lonely most of the time, and though I am blessed to have many dear friends in my life, most of them are only through a computer screen. Apparently I need to get out more. But this is difficult for me with no vehicle, a busy schedule, and a not-so full call log. And hey, I'm not bagging on anybody. Life gets in the way of fun, and you don't exactly see me making too many calls! But we're all busy. What the hell happened to the fun times? Oh yeah... we grew up. Booo.
I find solace in my music and writing. I tell music and tell through music what I don't tell anyone else. So really, music is my best friend. I'm okay with that, but music can't tangibly put its arms around me for a good ol' hug. Man, I love me some hugs. They heal the soul. Forget the punch in the face, I just need a hug.
Yup, I'm a hugger. On a lighter note, I have a friend who is not a hugger. By ANY means. So it's kind of fun to mess with her and hug her REAL good. Miss ya Jess! But I LOVE hugs. A good pair of comforting arms holding me tight to remind me I am loved. I hug everyone, but there are certain hugs you get that hold on for that extra second, and you feel your world at peace. I need one of those. Any takers?
Hugging is weird for some people, but next time you're around someone you really love, give 'em a real good hug. If not for you, for me. Because if it's me, I know I'd appreciate it, and you just never know who may be in need of one at that moment.
PS. Time, let's not fight. I respect you, just wish you'd get things moving along already. I love you, but I don't like you all the time. I'm sure it's mutual. Do you- do you want a hug?
Things are going really great for me right now. In most aspects. We all have our thorns...but I feel a deep void I can't ignore and I haven't put my finger on it just yet. I feel like every time I write, be it this blog or a song, I get that much closer to figuring it out. So I guess time will tell. Hey, time! Speed it up buddy! Love, Shaneil.
Everyone has a void inside of them that, when filled, creates an overwhelming happiness and joy for life. And like one giant bakery, we all require different fillings and different flavors to make us feel complete. What is mine, you ask? Love. Love, love, love, love...craaaazy love. Well, not exactly. I'm not saying I need some man with roses and a promise of forever right now. Slow down, cowboy! I just need to be loved. Hell, we ALL need to be loved. But I think I need it on a deeper level. I've mentioned my constant need for interaction, but I miss having someone I'm close with. Someone I can talk to on a regular basis. A best friend. Don't get me wrong, Jamie is my best friend and I love her dearly. But I see her less now that we live together... not sure how that came about, but she has her own life to take care of. And very good reason for being off in her own world. Just so we're clear, this is NOTHING against her. (Love you Boo!)
Chris was my boyfriend and my best friend. I lost both of those in one day. I feel extremely lonely most of the time, and though I am blessed to have many dear friends in my life, most of them are only through a computer screen. Apparently I need to get out more. But this is difficult for me with no vehicle, a busy schedule, and a not-so full call log. And hey, I'm not bagging on anybody. Life gets in the way of fun, and you don't exactly see me making too many calls! But we're all busy. What the hell happened to the fun times? Oh yeah... we grew up. Booo.
I find solace in my music and writing. I tell music and tell through music what I don't tell anyone else. So really, music is my best friend. I'm okay with that, but music can't tangibly put its arms around me for a good ol' hug. Man, I love me some hugs. They heal the soul. Forget the punch in the face, I just need a hug.
Yup, I'm a hugger. On a lighter note, I have a friend who is not a hugger. By ANY means. So it's kind of fun to mess with her and hug her REAL good. Miss ya Jess! But I LOVE hugs. A good pair of comforting arms holding me tight to remind me I am loved. I hug everyone, but there are certain hugs you get that hold on for that extra second, and you feel your world at peace. I need one of those. Any takers?
Hugging is weird for some people, but next time you're around someone you really love, give 'em a real good hug. If not for you, for me. Because if it's me, I know I'd appreciate it, and you just never know who may be in need of one at that moment.
PS. Time, let's not fight. I respect you, just wish you'd get things moving along already. I love you, but I don't like you all the time. I'm sure it's mutual. Do you- do you want a hug?
Friday, May 6, 2011
Hooonesty- is Such a Lonely Word
Gotta' love Billy. He really hammers those nails on the head! I think honesty is so hard to find these days. You're either too afraid to use it, or use the alternative for evil. Life would be so much easier if everyone was honest. Well, not so much easier. But people wouldn't walk around like idiots for not knowing the truth anymore. I, for one, greatly dislike that feeling.
I try to be as honest as possible. Although, I also recognize when a situation calls for a lack of details. Let's be clear here, I'm not talking about lying. I'm talking about leaving out details that are not needed in specific conversations. You want total honesty? Read my songs. If you're not mentioned, you probably already know how I feel about you. Or at least, if I like you or not as a person. Although, I pretty much like everyone. Allllmost everyone. So I probably like you if I talk to you. Well, let's be honest, you know I like you if I'm usually nice to you, but give you a loooot of shit. It's what I do. And if it's more than that, or I'm angry with you, it's in a song. It's how I express the feelings I know I shouldn't be feeling. It's my therapy.
Seriously, though- I'm pretty much an open book. You can flip the pages without worrying about offending me or "crossing a line". I like to be open and honest, because- how the hell will you get to know me if I don't show you me? So I stick to the truth. I hear it's the best policy.
A lot of people struggle with opening up and trusting someone. Believe me, I am careful about who I share things with and who I don't. Hence, the lack of details. But sometimes, people hold back when they probably shouldn't. Open up, let someone in, take a risk! How will you know what could be if you never let it be? I try to follow my heart and my gut. They both usually have good instincts. My brain keeps me focused on who's important, and who can shove it. They're a great team!
I guess my point is, it's not always good to have your guard up. And it's certainly not okay to lie to get your way, or toy with someone's emotions. People tend to appreciate honesty, and with the right delivery, you can really set someone at ease. I like honesty. So tell me how you feel! I bet I can take it. And if I don't... you can tell me to shove it. And I will.
I try to be as honest as possible. Although, I also recognize when a situation calls for a lack of details. Let's be clear here, I'm not talking about lying. I'm talking about leaving out details that are not needed in specific conversations. You want total honesty? Read my songs. If you're not mentioned, you probably already know how I feel about you. Or at least, if I like you or not as a person. Although, I pretty much like everyone. Allllmost everyone. So I probably like you if I talk to you. Well, let's be honest, you know I like you if I'm usually nice to you, but give you a loooot of shit. It's what I do. And if it's more than that, or I'm angry with you, it's in a song. It's how I express the feelings I know I shouldn't be feeling. It's my therapy.
Seriously, though- I'm pretty much an open book. You can flip the pages without worrying about offending me or "crossing a line". I like to be open and honest, because- how the hell will you get to know me if I don't show you me? So I stick to the truth. I hear it's the best policy.
A lot of people struggle with opening up and trusting someone. Believe me, I am careful about who I share things with and who I don't. Hence, the lack of details. But sometimes, people hold back when they probably shouldn't. Open up, let someone in, take a risk! How will you know what could be if you never let it be? I try to follow my heart and my gut. They both usually have good instincts. My brain keeps me focused on who's important, and who can shove it. They're a great team!
I guess my point is, it's not always good to have your guard up. And it's certainly not okay to lie to get your way, or toy with someone's emotions. People tend to appreciate honesty, and with the right delivery, you can really set someone at ease. I like honesty. So tell me how you feel! I bet I can take it. And if I don't... you can tell me to shove it. And I will.
Follow Your Heart
My heart hurts today...it does. I'm not exactly sure why. But it aches. For what? Not sure yet...
I noticed that I've been talking about my heart a lot...be it through words of my family, or thoughts of shopping with great friends; my heart goes into everything I do, so it's brought up quite a bit. So what a place to write about it. Welcome to my heart.
My heart is a peculiar thing...as I'm sure everyone's is. Unfortunately for me, I tend to lead with it. This is not always good, for my heart yearns for what my mind can't have. You need a balance between the two to sustain a happy life...well, heart- calm down. Things will get better soon. I feel it.
My heart is a delicate flower, petals barely hanging on, scent stronger than ever, yearning for the sun to resurrect it's shine. It keeps me going, but drags me down. It lifts me up, yet knocks me off my feet. Heart, you are certainly a roller-coaster, and we all know how I feel about those.
My heart is probably my best quality. I'm far from perfect, yet happy with who I am. Thank you heart, for giving me the kindness and compassion to show mankind that I am not hard, but soft and gentle. I weep at things I probably "shouldn't". I ache for people you avoid. I want the best for everyone.
But heart, sometimes you really get me angry...sometimes, I have certain priorities and ambitions in mind, and you stray from the path. Get back over here!!! Yes, I'm emotional. Yes, I'm sensitive. Yes, I like me the way I am.
My heart guides me down the road to a new tomorrow. It provides comfort from the bad in life. It shelters me from the cold. It also reaches out when it should stay in...but we're working on that. I would rather my heart lead the way, paving a road full of caring and love, then a road full of worry or doubt. My heart is a trouble-maker, but with the right intentions. Every day, I work on my heart. It grows stronger with each connection, each random act of kindness, each hand held out to lift up the weak...it keeps me strong. I love you, heart- for everything you are. And everything I am. I owe...to you.
Not sure where this post was going, but here's a song I wrote called "Heart":
My heart hurts today,
so afraid of everything I'm feeling- inside
of me, can't find my brain.
My heart is taking over everything.
Oh, feelings please just go away.
I can't bear to feel this pain...
but oh, if I try and turn away,
I replace this pain with another...
My heart hurts tonight.
Searching dark to finally see the light-
in this hole, I've built for me to lay.
Circumstance is standing in my way.
But oh, if I try to erase it-
I can face it, someday-
but still, I turn and run away-
from this pain, in my heart.
From the way, that it's scarred me.
My heart might die.
Too many reason why-
to explain to a crowd, or to even say out loud.
It just might...tonight...
tonight might be the night...
I noticed that I've been talking about my heart a lot...be it through words of my family, or thoughts of shopping with great friends; my heart goes into everything I do, so it's brought up quite a bit. So what a place to write about it. Welcome to my heart.
My heart is a peculiar thing...as I'm sure everyone's is. Unfortunately for me, I tend to lead with it. This is not always good, for my heart yearns for what my mind can't have. You need a balance between the two to sustain a happy life...well, heart- calm down. Things will get better soon. I feel it.
My heart is a delicate flower, petals barely hanging on, scent stronger than ever, yearning for the sun to resurrect it's shine. It keeps me going, but drags me down. It lifts me up, yet knocks me off my feet. Heart, you are certainly a roller-coaster, and we all know how I feel about those.
My heart is probably my best quality. I'm far from perfect, yet happy with who I am. Thank you heart, for giving me the kindness and compassion to show mankind that I am not hard, but soft and gentle. I weep at things I probably "shouldn't". I ache for people you avoid. I want the best for everyone.
But heart, sometimes you really get me angry...sometimes, I have certain priorities and ambitions in mind, and you stray from the path. Get back over here!!! Yes, I'm emotional. Yes, I'm sensitive. Yes, I like me the way I am.
My heart guides me down the road to a new tomorrow. It provides comfort from the bad in life. It shelters me from the cold. It also reaches out when it should stay in...but we're working on that. I would rather my heart lead the way, paving a road full of caring and love, then a road full of worry or doubt. My heart is a trouble-maker, but with the right intentions. Every day, I work on my heart. It grows stronger with each connection, each random act of kindness, each hand held out to lift up the weak...it keeps me strong. I love you, heart- for everything you are. And everything I am. I owe...to you.
Not sure where this post was going, but here's a song I wrote called "Heart":
My heart hurts today,
so afraid of everything I'm feeling- inside
of me, can't find my brain.
My heart is taking over everything.
Oh, feelings please just go away.
I can't bear to feel this pain...
but oh, if I try and turn away,
I replace this pain with another...
My heart hurts tonight.
Searching dark to finally see the light-
in this hole, I've built for me to lay.
Circumstance is standing in my way.
But oh, if I try to erase it-
I can face it, someday-
but still, I turn and run away-
from this pain, in my heart.
From the way, that it's scarred me.
My heart might die.
Too many reason why-
to explain to a crowd, or to even say out loud.
It just might...tonight...
tonight might be the night...
Wednesday, May 4, 2011
Bad for the Wallet, Good for the Heart
I. Went. Shopping today. Now, I am not much of a girly-girl, for one- but I was reminded today why I don't shop so much. I like it. A lot. But I end up buying a bunch of crap I don't really get any use out of. You see, since I don't really care for money, I tend to just throw it away. Usually on other people, but when having a great time with an amazing friend, it's easy to watch those receipts pile up. Today, that sort of happened. But it was for me. And it felt goooood.
I've been working really hard at my new store, on top of writing this blog as much as possible while playing and writing songs. With my current health problems (well, mainly my teeth), I have been feeling pre-t-ty mis-er-a-ble, while masking it with a smile and a laugh. It sucks. And I know what you're already thinking...the money I spent today should've been put towards my teeth. You think I don't know that?? Hence, the statement about why I do not shop! BUT! I did buy things I've been needing. So stuff it.
This is very bad for my wallet, yes. I spent a decent amount of money, though again, on things I need. So this is somewhat good. For my heart? I had an amazing day with an amazing friend of mine, Veronica. This girl is a HOOT and a sweetheart to boot. My mentor and friend, she truly made my day today. We spent 4 1/2 HOURS at the mall...it's been a while for me...I was weak! And she is NOT a good influence!! Nope, nope, nope. But we had some great talks, and some incredible laughs! And though I was aching from a severe lack of sleep last night and the remains of my energy thanks to Monster, the time flew as the good times were had! This is why I love shopping. It was so nice to go out and be a girl! I rarely do this, and it feels even that much more fun when I do. I'm a chill-with-the-guys-drink-some-beers-and-belch kinda gal...but having my "girl days" is a refreshing reminder of the woman that I am. It boosts my confidence. Reminds me to be silly and giggle. Reminds me to be vunerable. Reminds me to be gentle. In spite of the pain I feel, my head is high and I feel alive! So, no- I don't regret spending the money. How could I regret the laughs and talks shared with a person I admire more than most?
My wallet is slimmer (and newer...), but my heart is full. Today was a good day. I'm exhausted from the work day, and probably still smell like coffee. And pretty much every product in Bath & Body Works... (they were having a sale...SALE.) But I'm happy. And every moment counts. So I'm counting my blessings, one moment at a time. Today, I have an overflowing heart full of these such moments. And NOTHING gets better than that!
PS... While shopping, I didn't smoke for six hours...thought I forgot about that, didn't ya??? This is a good thing, by the way...I don't exactly make it that long normally...baby steps, people! One moment at a time...I'm not perfect! And you stress me out!
I've been working really hard at my new store, on top of writing this blog as much as possible while playing and writing songs. With my current health problems (well, mainly my teeth), I have been feeling pre-t-ty mis-er-a-ble, while masking it with a smile and a laugh. It sucks. And I know what you're already thinking...the money I spent today should've been put towards my teeth. You think I don't know that?? Hence, the statement about why I do not shop! BUT! I did buy things I've been needing. So stuff it.
This is very bad for my wallet, yes. I spent a decent amount of money, though again, on things I need. So this is somewhat good. For my heart? I had an amazing day with an amazing friend of mine, Veronica. This girl is a HOOT and a sweetheart to boot. My mentor and friend, she truly made my day today. We spent 4 1/2 HOURS at the mall...it's been a while for me...I was weak! And she is NOT a good influence!! Nope, nope, nope. But we had some great talks, and some incredible laughs! And though I was aching from a severe lack of sleep last night and the remains of my energy thanks to Monster, the time flew as the good times were had! This is why I love shopping. It was so nice to go out and be a girl! I rarely do this, and it feels even that much more fun when I do. I'm a chill-with-the-guys-drink-some-beers-and-belch kinda gal...but having my "girl days" is a refreshing reminder of the woman that I am. It boosts my confidence. Reminds me to be silly and giggle. Reminds me to be vunerable. Reminds me to be gentle. In spite of the pain I feel, my head is high and I feel alive! So, no- I don't regret spending the money. How could I regret the laughs and talks shared with a person I admire more than most?
My wallet is slimmer (and newer...), but my heart is full. Today was a good day. I'm exhausted from the work day, and probably still smell like coffee. And pretty much every product in Bath & Body Works... (they were having a sale...SALE.) But I'm happy. And every moment counts. So I'm counting my blessings, one moment at a time. Today, I have an overflowing heart full of these such moments. And NOTHING gets better than that!
PS... While shopping, I didn't smoke for six hours...thought I forgot about that, didn't ya??? This is a good thing, by the way...I don't exactly make it that long normally...baby steps, people! One moment at a time...I'm not perfect! And you stress me out!
Tuesday, May 3, 2011
Home Is Where Your Heart Is
It's been a long few days for me, both physically and emotionally. I haven't written because I've been writing songs, which is good. That tap, however, has run dry at the moment. So I'm back!
Tonight while closing, my coworker and I began talking about our fathers. Hers is currently in town with her for the week, and they have been fighting non-stop. It's funny that she should look to me for advice, as I have no relationship with mine. And it took years of trying, as she is now, for me to finally say 'enough is enough'. I am at peace with our lack of a relationship (for lack of a better set of words). I had to forgive myself to find it. But my life is just simply better how it is now. If I believed it could be different, believe me, I'd be trying just as I always had. But if you know me well enough, you probably agree with my decision.
On a somewhat lighter note, it got me thinking about family. I miss them. I have so many great people that I call my family, and as sad as it is, Facebook has started to bring us back together. I know I'm on facebook a lot, as you can see from my ridiculous amount of posts, but it has helped me reconnect with family that I barely talk to, and really should. So I get hooked. Hooked on the connections and conversations. Hooked on the reminder that I have people who love me dearly. Hooked on an effing social networking site because, damn it, I love people! What is this, an intervention?! Sheesh!
It's true, though. I do love people. And I've been trying to be extra-there for those I love. It's hard for me to get on the phone, yes- but sign on to facebook or read my blog and I'm there! Don't judge me. It's who I am. I write. I like to interact with a lot of different people. I feel like I'm defending myself. Why am I defending myself? It's late. I should go to sleep.
The point is, I got a little down tonight thinking about my father. It got me thinking about my uncle, who was like a father to me growing up (or a big brother, really), and passed. About my "LA Father", whom I fought with a couple of weeks ago and haven't spoken to since. Geez. No wonder I have trouble with men- I have "daddy-issues"?! Really?!! I'm that girl?? Yuck. I think I turned out pretty well in spite of that revolting revelation. I've done a lot of growing up, and part of that is learning to appreciate the things I should appreciate. Like family. So to any and all family who read this, just know that I love you all dearly. I don't always keep in touch like I should, but you're thought about and cared about. THAT- will NEVER change. And if you're ever in LA, this heart will always be here for you to call home.
Tonight while closing, my coworker and I began talking about our fathers. Hers is currently in town with her for the week, and they have been fighting non-stop. It's funny that she should look to me for advice, as I have no relationship with mine. And it took years of trying, as she is now, for me to finally say 'enough is enough'. I am at peace with our lack of a relationship (for lack of a better set of words). I had to forgive myself to find it. But my life is just simply better how it is now. If I believed it could be different, believe me, I'd be trying just as I always had. But if you know me well enough, you probably agree with my decision.
On a somewhat lighter note, it got me thinking about family. I miss them. I have so many great people that I call my family, and as sad as it is, Facebook has started to bring us back together. I know I'm on facebook a lot, as you can see from my ridiculous amount of posts, but it has helped me reconnect with family that I barely talk to, and really should. So I get hooked. Hooked on the connections and conversations. Hooked on the reminder that I have people who love me dearly. Hooked on an effing social networking site because, damn it, I love people! What is this, an intervention?! Sheesh!
It's true, though. I do love people. And I've been trying to be extra-there for those I love. It's hard for me to get on the phone, yes- but sign on to facebook or read my blog and I'm there! Don't judge me. It's who I am. I write. I like to interact with a lot of different people. I feel like I'm defending myself. Why am I defending myself? It's late. I should go to sleep.
The point is, I got a little down tonight thinking about my father. It got me thinking about my uncle, who was like a father to me growing up (or a big brother, really), and passed. About my "LA Father", whom I fought with a couple of weeks ago and haven't spoken to since. Geez. No wonder I have trouble with men- I have "daddy-issues"?! Really?!! I'm that girl?? Yuck. I think I turned out pretty well in spite of that revolting revelation. I've done a lot of growing up, and part of that is learning to appreciate the things I should appreciate. Like family. So to any and all family who read this, just know that I love you all dearly. I don't always keep in touch like I should, but you're thought about and cared about. THAT- will NEVER change. And if you're ever in LA, this heart will always be here for you to call home.
Sunday, May 1, 2011
Clarification: Appreciation
I haven't decided what to write about yet. And so, I begin this post untitled... although, by the time you read it, it will be titled...soooo. Whatever. I'm in a weird place today. Can't quite put my finger on it, but I'm just...here. I'm not sure how I feel today. It's not necessarily bad, but not terrific, either. Hmmm.
I took a break from this and wrote a new song, "Close Enough". I think I like it. I never know at first, I just get a good flow going and see what happens. No guitar to it yet, though, thanks to the after-10pm-no-noise-whatsoever-policy at my apartment complex. As I listen to my neighbors have a party. (I really wanted to say "As I listen through the cemetary trees" right there...)
Wow! I just got a really nice compliment from a pretty important person in my history. That certainly picked up my mood! It's funny how one second you can feel somewhat down, yet one little moment can pick it right up. This is why I appreciate life. Hmm...appreciation...
I try to appreciate life as much as I can. I'm not perfect. Nowhere near it. But I do try to take everything in with a positive attitude. This keeps me pretty level-headed, about most. I have my weaknesses, and they show all the time. I suck at hiding them! But even at my job, people view me as a positive person who tries to keep the mood up. Tries. I have bad days. Ohhh boy, do I! But hey, we all do, so I give back by being supportive on yours.
I was raised by my grandparents, and although our relationship is not what it used to be, I appreciate the morals they instilled in me. I feel very blessed to have been pulled from a fury of bad situations and pain, and plopped into a pretty damn good childhood. I was not spoiled, though I did have a lot. I was taught the value of a dollar, and of the little things in life. Things weren't always great, but I had it good and I appreciate everything they ever did for me. I miss them all the time. I'm overdue for a trip home. Stupid money.
Aaaanyways, without getting too serious, here...I'm happy. I'm content. I want more, but I'm in the process of going for it, and that's the first step. No matter what happens to me, I appreciate everything in my life. I think that's the key...it unlocks so many doors to happiness in life. Geez louise, I feel all grown up! I can still go to Toy'R'Us...right? Right?? Crap.
I took a break from this and wrote a new song, "Close Enough". I think I like it. I never know at first, I just get a good flow going and see what happens. No guitar to it yet, though, thanks to the after-10pm-no-noise-whatsoever-policy at my apartment complex. As I listen to my neighbors have a party. (I really wanted to say "As I listen through the cemetary trees" right there...)
Wow! I just got a really nice compliment from a pretty important person in my history. That certainly picked up my mood! It's funny how one second you can feel somewhat down, yet one little moment can pick it right up. This is why I appreciate life. Hmm...appreciation...
I try to appreciate life as much as I can. I'm not perfect. Nowhere near it. But I do try to take everything in with a positive attitude. This keeps me pretty level-headed, about most. I have my weaknesses, and they show all the time. I suck at hiding them! But even at my job, people view me as a positive person who tries to keep the mood up. Tries. I have bad days. Ohhh boy, do I! But hey, we all do, so I give back by being supportive on yours.
I was raised by my grandparents, and although our relationship is not what it used to be, I appreciate the morals they instilled in me. I feel very blessed to have been pulled from a fury of bad situations and pain, and plopped into a pretty damn good childhood. I was not spoiled, though I did have a lot. I was taught the value of a dollar, and of the little things in life. Things weren't always great, but I had it good and I appreciate everything they ever did for me. I miss them all the time. I'm overdue for a trip home. Stupid money.
Aaaanyways, without getting too serious, here...I'm happy. I'm content. I want more, but I'm in the process of going for it, and that's the first step. No matter what happens to me, I appreciate everything in my life. I think that's the key...it unlocks so many doors to happiness in life. Geez louise, I feel all grown up! I can still go to Toy'R'Us...right? Right?? Crap.
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