As 2011 nears its end, I'm driven to reflect on this last year, as many of us do. It's almost surreal thinking of all that has happened this year... ending my 5-year relationship, numerous attempts at finding new love, living with and somehow losing one of my best friends, acquiring my very first apartment to myself, losing my dream job and starting a new path, hearing my ex is married... among the ups and downs of the year, the greatest gift I could ever receive was a brand, new, true love. The kind of love that happens quickly, but lasts a lifetime. The kind of love that embraces all of your wildest dreams, and creates new ones. The kind of love you couldn't understand unless you've been there.
I couldn't care for and appreciate this man more than I already do, yet somehow it grows stronger every day. Every part of me I only imagined someone would one day understand, he not only gets, he loves. I can be neurotic, controlling, emotional, ridiculously nerdy and dorky, independent, overattentive, worrisome, just... me. Me, myself and I. No one else. He embraces the good with the bad. Hell, he thinks it's sexy when I correct his spelling and grammar! Umm... jackpot maybe?
It hasn't even been a month, but I knew from the moment we met (officially) that this was something special. The best part of it all is knowing he feels exactly the same way. There are no anxious feelings, just comfort. I don't ache with anticipation when he's away; I know he'll always be back. He is hard-working, independent, loving, supportive, goofy, hilarious, and- well... he loves me. Which shows how intelligent he is. ;)
They say when you least expect it, it finds you. I spent a good majority of this year wondering when this so-called "it" would find me. There were many lonely nights, heartbreaks, bouts of desperation and close-calls to giving up... through it all, I remained true to myself, my heart and my soul. I never really gave up, though I did attempt to force feelings in some situations. When it comes along, though, there is no forcing to be had... it happens naturally. You can't stop it, you can't control it; you can only get in, sit down, shut up and hang on for dear life. Neither of us knows what the future holds, but we're taking it one day at a time. There will be fights, tough times, obstacles and barriers; but when it's real, all barriers can and will be broken. I have faith that, for now at least, my heart is in the right hands. Whatever happens from here on out, happens.
I am happier than I have been in a long time, if ever. My blessings could fill the depths of space. So as I ring in the new year, I look back with a smile on my face. No matter what has happened over the course of 2011, I know in my heart it was meant to be... leading me to my current state of bliss. I don't know what 2012 holds in store, but I'm ready and able to take in the good, the bad, and the ugly. If I've learned anything, it's to never lose faith, never lose hope, never look back with regret... always love, always embrace the moment, and always remember that there's always a brand new day tomorrow. Wishing everyone a happy holiday, a glorious new year, and the strength to continue on in life, no matter what it hands you. No funny ending here, just positive vibes to my loved ones and theirs... may you be showered with the love I receive every day from my sweetheart, and may you never lose faith in yourself. Happy Holidays! <3
Saturday, December 24, 2011
Monday, November 7, 2011
Happiness Is A Warm Heart
Before I was fired from Starbucks, I knew it was coming. I also thought it would end all of the happiness in my life... from a job I loved, to my dream apartment, I felt my world was about to cave in and destroy me. Well, it didn't... and I came to terms with that, long before they pulled the plug.
Yes, I kept hope alive in my heart that my inevitable fate would not actually occur... but a part of me had already accepted it as what was meant to be. Starbucks was my life; my life was Starbucks. That, in itself, was the ultimate problem. You see, I am what I like to call an "equal-opportunity lover", in the sense that I pretty much love everything. I have many passions and joys in life that I was missing out on the last couple of years. From my music to cooking to something as simple as a puzzle, my life had many gaps in it that I filled with my passion for my work. But for me, my work is life. Life is the journey, and I was stuck at a rest-stop for two years. I've heard it said that you can be alive, but still not living. I finally understand this statement.
I can say today- now, I am finally living. Things have worked themselves out, as they tend to do... but much more than that, I am creating a life for myself that includes my main passion in life: LIFE. Since my departure from Starbucks, I have reconnected with acquaintances and made them lifetime friends; I have delved into music in ways I never have; I have focused on making my dream apartment what I actually see in my dreams; hell, I've even done a puzzle! Even as I was searching for new jobs, I refused to commit to anything I didn't actually want to do, even if I should have for the sake of my situation. Now, I am about to start two jobs at places I actually want to work at, in an area I love, and within a block from each other! I have acquired, one way or another, everything I need to complete my apartment and maintain a healthy lifestyle here. I've even met someone incredible, who accepts me exactly as I am. Every piece of me. Although it is still very new, it is an amazing feeling to meet and connect with someone who completely understands my mindset. I... am living.
Through everything I've gone through recently, the one thing that kept me positive and going strong... was myself. I learned a while ago that loving and accepting yourself, exactly as you are, is the most important key to happiness. Friends and loved ones come and go, family starts their own families, but you are the only person with yourself 100% of the time. No matter what. If you don't love yourself, then you have a long road ahead of you with someone you don't even want to be around!
Tonight, I coined a... statement, if you will, and stated it to two different people in my life. One is someone I never talk to, the other a constant in my life. "Happiness, though strengthened by those around us, originates within." I am quite proud of that statement, and stand by it with all of my faith and belief. I always tell people that I am great at giving advice, but terrible at receiving it. Well, following it. But, because of that, I have learned my life's lessons through my own choices, my own mistakes, and my own understanding of how to handle situations thrown at me by this thing called life. I am by no means perfect, but I take pride in the fact that my perspective assists me with life and everything it's got. I can be disgustingly positive at times, but when I truly need it, I push through obstacles I never thought I could. Everyone has their own ways of dealing with things, but I find the best way is with a smile on your face, acceptance of what we cannot change, and the strength to change what we can. Okay... maybe I stole that from somewhere. What are you, the quote police?! ..... Yeahhh, maybe I'm a bit rusty... Smiles and Love to All! :)
Yes, I kept hope alive in my heart that my inevitable fate would not actually occur... but a part of me had already accepted it as what was meant to be. Starbucks was my life; my life was Starbucks. That, in itself, was the ultimate problem. You see, I am what I like to call an "equal-opportunity lover", in the sense that I pretty much love everything. I have many passions and joys in life that I was missing out on the last couple of years. From my music to cooking to something as simple as a puzzle, my life had many gaps in it that I filled with my passion for my work. But for me, my work is life. Life is the journey, and I was stuck at a rest-stop for two years. I've heard it said that you can be alive, but still not living. I finally understand this statement.
I can say today- now, I am finally living. Things have worked themselves out, as they tend to do... but much more than that, I am creating a life for myself that includes my main passion in life: LIFE. Since my departure from Starbucks, I have reconnected with acquaintances and made them lifetime friends; I have delved into music in ways I never have; I have focused on making my dream apartment what I actually see in my dreams; hell, I've even done a puzzle! Even as I was searching for new jobs, I refused to commit to anything I didn't actually want to do, even if I should have for the sake of my situation. Now, I am about to start two jobs at places I actually want to work at, in an area I love, and within a block from each other! I have acquired, one way or another, everything I need to complete my apartment and maintain a healthy lifestyle here. I've even met someone incredible, who accepts me exactly as I am. Every piece of me. Although it is still very new, it is an amazing feeling to meet and connect with someone who completely understands my mindset. I... am living.
Through everything I've gone through recently, the one thing that kept me positive and going strong... was myself. I learned a while ago that loving and accepting yourself, exactly as you are, is the most important key to happiness. Friends and loved ones come and go, family starts their own families, but you are the only person with yourself 100% of the time. No matter what. If you don't love yourself, then you have a long road ahead of you with someone you don't even want to be around!
Tonight, I coined a... statement, if you will, and stated it to two different people in my life. One is someone I never talk to, the other a constant in my life. "Happiness, though strengthened by those around us, originates within." I am quite proud of that statement, and stand by it with all of my faith and belief. I always tell people that I am great at giving advice, but terrible at receiving it. Well, following it. But, because of that, I have learned my life's lessons through my own choices, my own mistakes, and my own understanding of how to handle situations thrown at me by this thing called life. I am by no means perfect, but I take pride in the fact that my perspective assists me with life and everything it's got. I can be disgustingly positive at times, but when I truly need it, I push through obstacles I never thought I could. Everyone has their own ways of dealing with things, but I find the best way is with a smile on your face, acceptance of what we cannot change, and the strength to change what we can. Okay... maybe I stole that from somewhere. What are you, the quote police?! ..... Yeahhh, maybe I'm a bit rusty... Smiles and Love to All! :)
Tuesday, October 4, 2011
I'm All Shook Up
So many interesting things happening in my life right now... some good, sooome... not so good. "Well, what on earth do you mean, Shaneil?" Oh! Listen up!
I guess I shouldn't get you too excited... some 'happenings' in my life are better left unsaid at the moment... I am definitely feeling a twist of emotions, as I bounce between hope for the future, and angst for what may occur. I have accomplished so much recently, and am extremely proud of it... but. I am about to learn a tough lesson in sticking to my gut and following my moral instincts. It has shaken me awake to the fact that it could all disappear in an instant. No matter the outcome, I only have myself to blame, and that is not a fun feeling. Taking full responsibility for actions that damage your life is a difficult, but necessary, choice. As I've said before, you choose the outcome of your life. You can't control what's given to you, but you can and should control how you handle it. Having taken a situation and chosen the wrong path, I am dealing with the consequences, whatever they may be, and continuing down this path called life the best way I know how... true to myself; true to my heart.
My career is either going to take a very sharp turn, or continue on with a slap on the hand... in any case, my perspective is completely revamped and my guard up more than ever. I know the difference between right and wrong, but I chose to do something wrong and am feeling the pain as I await the results... In my life, I've always believed in good karma. Call it what you want, but every time I chose to be honest and true when I could've attempted the alternative, something good came back around and proved my choice valid. Now, I sit and stew as I find out what the bad can be... another lesson learned; another growth opportunity. I guess we'll just see...
On the other side of the rusty penny, I'm embracing love from all directions. I have a large number of people in my life who care about me, and it's the greatest feeling in the world. You know who you are, and I appreciate you. No matter what happens in life, having a strong support system can get you through the toughest of times. While my journey continues to move up and down, I can always count on the fact that I have a number of shoulders to cry on, lean on, or rest on with a smile on my face. Most importantly, I have myself to count on... and Buster. :) If I get down on myself, he reminds me that at least one being has unconditional love for me... even if I make a mistake. He's my little guy, and my big rock. I just love the heck out of him!
When life throws the ball in your face, go for three more and take the base! Or walk to the mound and punch life in the mouth. Either way, the earth may move below your feet, shaking your world and knocking things down a bit... but if you keep your balance, head on straight, and eyes looking forward- everything falls into place exactly as it should be. So yes, I'm a bit anxious to see what the next couple of weeks hold, but I know that everything happening to me is leading me in the direction it's supposed to... my future. No one else's future, just mine. What I do with it is in my hands, and I prefer the driver's seat over the passenger's. I like to hold the remote. And I wanna push the button!! Okay, I love you, buh bye!
I guess I shouldn't get you too excited... some 'happenings' in my life are better left unsaid at the moment... I am definitely feeling a twist of emotions, as I bounce between hope for the future, and angst for what may occur. I have accomplished so much recently, and am extremely proud of it... but. I am about to learn a tough lesson in sticking to my gut and following my moral instincts. It has shaken me awake to the fact that it could all disappear in an instant. No matter the outcome, I only have myself to blame, and that is not a fun feeling. Taking full responsibility for actions that damage your life is a difficult, but necessary, choice. As I've said before, you choose the outcome of your life. You can't control what's given to you, but you can and should control how you handle it. Having taken a situation and chosen the wrong path, I am dealing with the consequences, whatever they may be, and continuing down this path called life the best way I know how... true to myself; true to my heart.
My career is either going to take a very sharp turn, or continue on with a slap on the hand... in any case, my perspective is completely revamped and my guard up more than ever. I know the difference between right and wrong, but I chose to do something wrong and am feeling the pain as I await the results... In my life, I've always believed in good karma. Call it what you want, but every time I chose to be honest and true when I could've attempted the alternative, something good came back around and proved my choice valid. Now, I sit and stew as I find out what the bad can be... another lesson learned; another growth opportunity. I guess we'll just see...
On the other side of the rusty penny, I'm embracing love from all directions. I have a large number of people in my life who care about me, and it's the greatest feeling in the world. You know who you are, and I appreciate you. No matter what happens in life, having a strong support system can get you through the toughest of times. While my journey continues to move up and down, I can always count on the fact that I have a number of shoulders to cry on, lean on, or rest on with a smile on my face. Most importantly, I have myself to count on... and Buster. :) If I get down on myself, he reminds me that at least one being has unconditional love for me... even if I make a mistake. He's my little guy, and my big rock. I just love the heck out of him!
When life throws the ball in your face, go for three more and take the base! Or walk to the mound and punch life in the mouth. Either way, the earth may move below your feet, shaking your world and knocking things down a bit... but if you keep your balance, head on straight, and eyes looking forward- everything falls into place exactly as it should be. So yes, I'm a bit anxious to see what the next couple of weeks hold, but I know that everything happening to me is leading me in the direction it's supposed to... my future. No one else's future, just mine. What I do with it is in my hands, and I prefer the driver's seat over the passenger's. I like to hold the remote. And I wanna push the button!! Okay, I love you, buh bye!
Sunday, October 2, 2011
I Just Can't Hide It...
WOW! Has it really been a month?? It doesn't feel like it... yet it feels like forever. It's partially thanks to my incompetent computer... donations for a new one can be sent here:
...you can't see it, but that's my hand.
I'm sure many of you have realized by now that I have a problem... for when do I truly need written word as therapy than when I have a problem? Such is life... yadda yadda yadda. I'm realizing more and more about myself as I travel down the lonely path of singledom... which I'm sure I've mentioned before. I do not forsee much wit in this post, so bear with me...
Every time any glimmer of hope for love comes into my path, I get so damn excited that I push it away. It's a horrible curse that I cannot seem to break. Someone HELP ME! Seriously. Slap me. Or something. Something to wake. my. ass. UP! Nobody likes an overbearing, overattentive loon such as myself... but when I view someone as simply a friend, and treat said person as such, they seem to fall so easily. So what's the deal? I either treat someone as a friend and receive the awkwardness of them pursuing more... orrr I finally feel something and get so flippin' excited that they run for the hills. This is a problem. A problem that lies solely in my hands; my life; my actions. How irritating! Why can't I just relax and let life happen? Well... this is why, folks.
When something good happens to me, I immediately prepare for the worst. Because of this, I decide to hold on as tightly as possible until ultimately, said "good thing" disappears... running in the other direction to avoid their impending doom... my love. 'Cause who the hell wants that??! *Siiigh*
I think that guys and gals are so interesting... guys don't want you to chase. They want to chase. I realize this. I'm aware of this. Yet, when a good guy presents himself, I tend to overbear and overpush and overdo ev.er.y.thing. Annoying, I know. I just can't help it! Then, he becomes just not that into me. And so the vicious circle continues...
I've been (well, previously been) preaching about how you have to focus on yourself... but, myself needs love. She needs attention. She thrives off having someone there to focus on and be attentive with... I can only give myself so much love. I can only be there for myself so much. I can only sit around and talk to myself so much... yes, I do that. Are you really surprised? Get outta' here... seriously. Go.
One day... someday... I will find that one; that one that gets me... that understands me... that appreciates me. My impatience is truly a curse... BUT. When I do find that someone, everything will come into place and feel right... or maybe even wrong. In any case, I will find it. When? Shit... you tell me.
...you can't see it, but that's my hand.
I'm sure many of you have realized by now that I have a problem... for when do I truly need written word as therapy than when I have a problem? Such is life... yadda yadda yadda. I'm realizing more and more about myself as I travel down the lonely path of singledom... which I'm sure I've mentioned before. I do not forsee much wit in this post, so bear with me...
Every time any glimmer of hope for love comes into my path, I get so damn excited that I push it away. It's a horrible curse that I cannot seem to break. Someone HELP ME! Seriously. Slap me. Or something. Something to wake. my. ass. UP! Nobody likes an overbearing, overattentive loon such as myself... but when I view someone as simply a friend, and treat said person as such, they seem to fall so easily. So what's the deal? I either treat someone as a friend and receive the awkwardness of them pursuing more... orrr I finally feel something and get so flippin' excited that they run for the hills. This is a problem. A problem that lies solely in my hands; my life; my actions. How irritating! Why can't I just relax and let life happen? Well... this is why, folks.
When something good happens to me, I immediately prepare for the worst. Because of this, I decide to hold on as tightly as possible until ultimately, said "good thing" disappears... running in the other direction to avoid their impending doom... my love. 'Cause who the hell wants that??! *Siiigh*
I think that guys and gals are so interesting... guys don't want you to chase. They want to chase. I realize this. I'm aware of this. Yet, when a good guy presents himself, I tend to overbear and overpush and overdo ev.er.y.thing. Annoying, I know. I just can't help it! Then, he becomes just not that into me. And so the vicious circle continues...
I've been (well, previously been) preaching about how you have to focus on yourself... but, myself needs love. She needs attention. She thrives off having someone there to focus on and be attentive with... I can only give myself so much love. I can only be there for myself so much. I can only sit around and talk to myself so much... yes, I do that. Are you really surprised? Get outta' here... seriously. Go.
One day... someday... I will find that one; that one that gets me... that understands me... that appreciates me. My impatience is truly a curse... BUT. When I do find that someone, everything will come into place and feel right... or maybe even wrong. In any case, I will find it. When? Shit... you tell me.
Saturday, September 3, 2011
Movin' On Forward
It is quite late, and I was curled up, ready for sleep... but I felt a desire to write I haven't felt in a while... sooo... I'm going with it.
As I lay my head down to the pillow, I instantly realized something. Like a shot in the dark, it jolted me. Once again, I've been misguiding my focus onto things I need not be... misguiding them... to. Or something like that. I'm losing faith in myself, as I start my same routine all over again- procrastination, dreaminess, bad habits...
I had an interesting moment tonight; moments, in fact, right before I lay down to attempt sleep. I talked to God. Now, I don't usually discuss religion on here, mainly because I dislike stirring up strong debates over such touchy subjects... I have high anxiety, remember? BUT. For tonight, I will tell you that I do believe we are far too special to not have something greater than us, out there, watching over us... in one way or another. I do believe most of what I've learned from Christianity. However, I have my own special relationship with said "being" that may go against normal standards. I am comfortable in the fact that I try to live my life the best I can, but acknowledge that I make mistakes and feel remorse for them. I'm tryin'...
Moving along, I had a talk with God... and having not done so in quite some time, I realized how faith is so easily lost. For myself, at least. Without notice, I've lost a little faith in... me... and it's brought my mood down a bit the past few days. What a relief to have realized it this soon! As soon as I have these smack you in the face moments... well. I feel like I've been smacked in the face! It really wakes me up to a new single-life situation that I'm just not used to, I suppose. This is my first time, living completely alone, and it's not always easy. BUT. But, but, but... it is absolutely, totally, one-hundred friggen' percent... worth. it. I'm only a month in, but each day is a tiny hurdle... Tonight, I feel refreshed. I feel as if a weight has been lifted off my shoulders, as I return my focus to myself, once again. Not to fear, folks- Shaneil's figurin' shit out!
I'm now even more excited that I already have another 2 days off, coming up soon. Everything's coming together, piece by piece. This puzzle of a life has so much color, some gray areas, even just black and white... but it's all building towards something greater, and I feel it more than ever. I feel myself growing every day, into the woman I've always wanted to be. It's my time to shine, and this fire is BLAZIN'!
As I lay my head down to the pillow, I instantly realized something. Like a shot in the dark, it jolted me. Once again, I've been misguiding my focus onto things I need not be... misguiding them... to. Or something like that. I'm losing faith in myself, as I start my same routine all over again- procrastination, dreaminess, bad habits...
I had an interesting moment tonight; moments, in fact, right before I lay down to attempt sleep. I talked to God. Now, I don't usually discuss religion on here, mainly because I dislike stirring up strong debates over such touchy subjects... I have high anxiety, remember? BUT. For tonight, I will tell you that I do believe we are far too special to not have something greater than us, out there, watching over us... in one way or another. I do believe most of what I've learned from Christianity. However, I have my own special relationship with said "being" that may go against normal standards. I am comfortable in the fact that I try to live my life the best I can, but acknowledge that I make mistakes and feel remorse for them. I'm tryin'...
Moving along, I had a talk with God... and having not done so in quite some time, I realized how faith is so easily lost. For myself, at least. Without notice, I've lost a little faith in... me... and it's brought my mood down a bit the past few days. What a relief to have realized it this soon! As soon as I have these smack you in the face moments... well. I feel like I've been smacked in the face! It really wakes me up to a new single-life situation that I'm just not used to, I suppose. This is my first time, living completely alone, and it's not always easy. BUT. But, but, but... it is absolutely, totally, one-hundred friggen' percent... worth. it. I'm only a month in, but each day is a tiny hurdle... Tonight, I feel refreshed. I feel as if a weight has been lifted off my shoulders, as I return my focus to myself, once again. Not to fear, folks- Shaneil's figurin' shit out!
I'm now even more excited that I already have another 2 days off, coming up soon. Everything's coming together, piece by piece. This puzzle of a life has so much color, some gray areas, even just black and white... but it's all building towards something greater, and I feel it more than ever. I feel myself growing every day, into the woman I've always wanted to be. It's my time to shine, and this fire is BLAZIN'!
Sunday, August 28, 2011
Deep Space
*Siiigh* I've been blogging less and less and it makes me sad... but it's a good thing. A very good thing. Life has kept me busy lately and it's a refreshing sense of adventure. I'm out on my own, doing everything on my own, surrounded by family and friends that truly care about me... me me. Not someone I pretend to be so people can tolerate me... they just take my crazy, emotional, dreamy self and love me for who I am. It's quite a feeling to know people truly appreciate you and believe in you. In this new apartment, I feel alive... alive in a way I never have. And I'm making moves at a job I love, yet reconnecting with my passion, music. Ohhh music, I've missed the hell out of you!
As with anyone, though, my life is faaar from perfect. I'm hitting my own bumps in the road, but I'm holding my head high, believing in myself in a way I thought I never could. But yes, I'm looonely. Boo-fricken'-hoo. I greatly dislike feeling this way, but it comes with the territory. I like having someone to come home to, or someone to hold hands with. I know it's cheesy, but I do love love. Who doesn't? I'm accepting and somewhat comfortable with this state of being, but I do not have to like it! *crosses arms*
I'm not particularly interested in discussing one specific topic in this post... I'm sort of just... thinking out loud? Or aloud? Which is it? Anyways. I guess I've been struggling with this "blog" because I'm almost afraid to say "out loud/aloud" what I'm really thinking... which is DEFINITELY a first for me! I guess... I'm still settling into this new feeling... so it's difficult to express. I feel completely different, yet remain the same ol' me. I'm not sure what it all means yet, but I feel good about the future. I can only imagine what it holds, which is dangerous for me, so I'm preparing for the worst, yet hoping for the best. It's strange... I cannot even, for the life of me, be the least bit witty! Sorry folks, guess Shaneil's on a different playing field now. I'd watch for foul balls.
As with anyone, though, my life is faaar from perfect. I'm hitting my own bumps in the road, but I'm holding my head high, believing in myself in a way I thought I never could. But yes, I'm looonely. Boo-fricken'-hoo. I greatly dislike feeling this way, but it comes with the territory. I like having someone to come home to, or someone to hold hands with. I know it's cheesy, but I do love love. Who doesn't? I'm accepting and somewhat comfortable with this state of being, but I do not have to like it! *crosses arms*
I'm not particularly interested in discussing one specific topic in this post... I'm sort of just... thinking out loud? Or aloud? Which is it? Anyways. I guess I've been struggling with this "blog" because I'm almost afraid to say "out loud/aloud" what I'm really thinking... which is DEFINITELY a first for me! I guess... I'm still settling into this new feeling... so it's difficult to express. I feel completely different, yet remain the same ol' me. I'm not sure what it all means yet, but I feel good about the future. I can only imagine what it holds, which is dangerous for me, so I'm preparing for the worst, yet hoping for the best. It's strange... I cannot even, for the life of me, be the least bit witty! Sorry folks, guess Shaneil's on a different playing field now. I'd watch for foul balls.
Tuesday, August 16, 2011
New Dawn, New Day, New Life... Part 3
Leave it to your best friend to keep you motivated, even if from about 230 miles away! The last two weeks have flown on by, but it's only because I've been so incredibly happy, I barely noticed. I've missed you, blogger- let's chat!
Many of my friends are getting married, getting pregnant, getting puked on by their little ones; but today, it's just me and my little man, Buster. My new place is everything and more... more than I imagined it could be. Sure, it's just a little studio in the heart of Koreatown... but it's so perfect for me, I could puke on myself! From my own space, to the building, to the landlord and all of the tenants within, it is a place I call home with a smile on my face. :) <---see?
I preach about the fact that we control what we receive in life, but it's more than that... it's being able to put yourself out there for good things to happen to you. Sometimes, you have to put pride, dignity, and all of that other rubbish on the shelf, and truly strive for what you want. When I came to view this apartment, I immediately fell in love. Nothing could stop me from getting my dream apartment, not even myself! Through reaching out to friends and family for help financially, manually labor...ly, and emotionally, I achieved my goal and am now sitting in said dream apartment, Buster by my side, helicopters filling the air, a breeze flowing through my windows (which, by the way, face a pretty nice view of LA! Did I mention my last apartment had two windows? That faced walls? WALLS?!) I am exactly where I need to be, and it took letting my guard down and asking for help. They say there's nothing wrong with asking for help, and I stand here as your proof. It is TOTALLY worth it!
Though I give due credit to those who helped me in one way or another, I take pride in the fact that this happened because I made it happen. I made the steps to acquire what I needed to achieve this goal... as for the last two weeks in new habitat? Ohhhh boy...
Through battles with a lack of funds, a lack of necessary moving help, a lack of time, stow away roaches, deflating air mattresses, and so on... I came out on the other side with newfound friendships with amazing neighbors, an aching desire to come home every night, discoveries of little gems in markets that smell like spoiled milk (a broom for a dolla'?? Holla'!), and the perfect setting for me to fall back in love with my true love... music. That's right, kids! I fixed what I thought was a broken string, and have been playing/singing every. flippin'. DAY! My voice has never sounded better, my confidence has never been so strong, and my heart has never been so full of a driving force pushing me towards what I truly want: to attempt something with my music. I need to really dive into it with practice and practice aaaaand... more practice first, but it's coming... oh, yes! It's coming...
I've met some boys and had some fun, I've snuggled my pup when the day is done. I've hung some clothes and dressed some walls, I've reminisced through unpacking it all. This life is mine and only for me, and it's finally what I want it to be... look out world, Shaneil's in the driver's seat, and her high beams are blinding any obstacle in her way! It's a new dawn, a new day, a new life for me... and damn it, I'm feelin' gooooooood.
Many of my friends are getting married, getting pregnant, getting puked on by their little ones; but today, it's just me and my little man, Buster. My new place is everything and more... more than I imagined it could be. Sure, it's just a little studio in the heart of Koreatown... but it's so perfect for me, I could puke on myself! From my own space, to the building, to the landlord and all of the tenants within, it is a place I call home with a smile on my face. :) <---see?
I preach about the fact that we control what we receive in life, but it's more than that... it's being able to put yourself out there for good things to happen to you. Sometimes, you have to put pride, dignity, and all of that other rubbish on the shelf, and truly strive for what you want. When I came to view this apartment, I immediately fell in love. Nothing could stop me from getting my dream apartment, not even myself! Through reaching out to friends and family for help financially, manually labor...ly, and emotionally, I achieved my goal and am now sitting in said dream apartment, Buster by my side, helicopters filling the air, a breeze flowing through my windows (which, by the way, face a pretty nice view of LA! Did I mention my last apartment had two windows? That faced walls? WALLS?!) I am exactly where I need to be, and it took letting my guard down and asking for help. They say there's nothing wrong with asking for help, and I stand here as your proof. It is TOTALLY worth it!
Though I give due credit to those who helped me in one way or another, I take pride in the fact that this happened because I made it happen. I made the steps to acquire what I needed to achieve this goal... as for the last two weeks in new habitat? Ohhhh boy...
Through battles with a lack of funds, a lack of necessary moving help, a lack of time, stow away roaches, deflating air mattresses, and so on... I came out on the other side with newfound friendships with amazing neighbors, an aching desire to come home every night, discoveries of little gems in markets that smell like spoiled milk (a broom for a dolla'?? Holla'!), and the perfect setting for me to fall back in love with my true love... music. That's right, kids! I fixed what I thought was a broken string, and have been playing/singing every. flippin'. DAY! My voice has never sounded better, my confidence has never been so strong, and my heart has never been so full of a driving force pushing me towards what I truly want: to attempt something with my music. I need to really dive into it with practice and practice aaaaand... more practice first, but it's coming... oh, yes! It's coming...
I've met some boys and had some fun, I've snuggled my pup when the day is done. I've hung some clothes and dressed some walls, I've reminisced through unpacking it all. This life is mine and only for me, and it's finally what I want it to be... look out world, Shaneil's in the driver's seat, and her high beams are blinding any obstacle in her way! It's a new dawn, a new day, a new life for me... and damn it, I'm feelin' gooooooood.
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